Life after Addiction

    Well this is going to be one of those come clean with yourself reports. I was sitting around here thinking about the fact that I’m within two weeks of moving. About the fact that I hate moving and what a terrible place I’m moving to, I mean this place is the absolute pits. It not only need cleaned, it needs painted, I have to chase out the possums that now live in the attic and roam the whole building. I mean I have my hands full without a doubt.

Well, I’M sitting a round thinking about all this and how overwhelming it all is and my mind began to wonder back to the old days, just a few years removed, and how easy everything seemed to be back then.

Well the fact of the matter was that things were not so much easier as they were that, I just didn’t care about any thing except getting drugs. Yes it’s true something a lot of people don’t know about me is that I had a very bad drug addiction for a very many years( the majority of my adult life). And I got to thinking that life wasn’t so much easier, I just didn’t care about anything but getting my drugs. I mean I had no thoughts of where I would sleep, or eat, or going to jail; no I just didn’t care, only get the drugs. Well now things are not the same.

No, today I have what are called Responsibilities and the hardest part is today I care about these responsibilities.  Yes I actually care about things that I and others do in this world. I can remember when that was not the case. And oh, how it hurts at times, how at time I just want to break down and cry and say fuck it all. Yes, that– Fuck it was once my only response to anything and today- that just doesn’t work as a response to anything. No today I struggle and the vast majority of times it seems as though it will be totally overwhelming and sometimes it is, but most times I somehow get through. So today I will once again say a prayer to the Lord, a rather new experience for me, and hope that somehow this all works out. I know I have my hands full and that at 62 yrs. old I do not feel like starting over once again but the facts of life is that this is where I find myself to and unless I’m prepared to give up and return to the addiction which will surely take my life this time, I have no choice but to keep trying. And who knows, maybe it won’t be as bad as I think. Or at least I pray it . Till the next time —  THAT’S THE WAY I SEE IT.

 

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2 comments on “Life after Addiction

  1. Joe A says:

    I am trying to change my life after addiction. I am currently starting over again rebuilding my life after addiction ruined my life. It took two years after I got sober, just last week, for me to be able to come to terms with everything I lost and be willing and able to make a commitment to rebuild from scratch. I don’t know how to do it yet, I am scared to be honest with you and not having any friends still doesn’t make it any easier. (If you want to read about how it is going, I am writing a blog about it at http://rebuildingat30.blogspot.com )

    • jjclark25 says:

      Thanks for comenting I have recently had knee surgery and have not been keeping up with the blog but hope to come back to it soon. It seems we have something in common which can be a real scarry journey. I certainly wish you the best of luck and invite you to keep in touch with me if you would like at j-c4156@hotmail.com.

      Again The Best of Luck Sincerely jjclark25

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