Hello Again

Well here I am back in the swim, and I will do my best to post at least once a week. I’ve decided that it’s time to start writing again.  Thank You All.

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Sorry and apologies to anyone who has read this Blog.

I heartily appologize to anyone who has read this blog as I have not wrritten lately. My life in the last 2 months has been in a complete upheval. I can’t go into things now but I will have a new post soon. I’m going into the hospital for total knee replacement surgery, I will be posting from rehab if they have wifi that is accessable and if not I will have to wait till the last week of March when I’m released to start. And I will be starting with a chronicle of the surgery and rehabilitation process, at least as much as I can remember. Thanks to anyone who reads this and I totally and honestly promiss to get this Blog right by the first week of April.

 

                                                                                                                                                LOVE OUT    jjclark25

Life after Addiction

    Well this is going to be one of those come clean with yourself reports. I was sitting around here thinking about the fact that I’m within two weeks of moving. About the fact that I hate moving and what a terrible place I’m moving to, I mean this place is the absolute pits. It not only need cleaned, it needs painted, I have to chase out the possums that now live in the attic and roam the whole building. I mean I have my hands full without a doubt.

Well, I’M sitting a round thinking about all this and how overwhelming it all is and my mind began to wonder back to the old days, just a few years removed, and how easy everything seemed to be back then.

Well the fact of the matter was that things were not so much easier as they were that, I just didn’t care about any thing except getting drugs. Yes it’s true something a lot of people don’t know about me is that I had a very bad drug addiction for a very many years( the majority of my adult life). And I got to thinking that life wasn’t so much easier, I just didn’t care about anything but getting my drugs. I mean I had no thoughts of where I would sleep, or eat, or going to jail; no I just didn’t care, only get the drugs. Well now things are not the same.

No, today I have what are called Responsibilities and the hardest part is today I care about these responsibilities.  Yes I actually care about things that I and others do in this world. I can remember when that was not the case. And oh, how it hurts at times, how at time I just want to break down and cry and say fuck it all. Yes, that– Fuck it was once my only response to anything and today- that just doesn’t work as a response to anything. No today I struggle and the vast majority of times it seems as though it will be totally overwhelming and sometimes it is, but most times I somehow get through. So today I will once again say a prayer to the Lord, a rather new experience for me, and hope that somehow this all works out. I know I have my hands full and that at 62 yrs. old I do not feel like starting over once again but the facts of life is that this is where I find myself to and unless I’m prepared to give up and return to the addiction which will surely take my life this time, I have no choice but to keep trying. And who knows, maybe it won’t be as bad as I think. Or at least I pray it . Till the next time —  THAT’S THE WAY I SEE IT.

 

New Day – New Week

Well, here we go Today’s Monday and wow, what a way to start out a new week. First of all I woke up late, then I was not feeling good at all. My goodness last night when I went to bed I was feeling great, I mean at least I felt  enthusiastic  about things and had plans for today and the week how productive it would be. “BLAH” Needless to say things aren’t going the way I thought. I hope this isn’t a sign of how this week will turn out, I don’t think I could bear it.

I guess what really is going on is the things on my mind are finally beginning to catch up with me so much crap;  legal issues, housing issues, personal relationship issues and to many other issues to even mention. I will not however turn this blog into a personal crying session everyday that is not what I want. What I really want here is a forum to air my opinion on everyday issues that pop up in the media or things that the average person encounters in life from day-to-day. So I will strive to keep this installment as my last bit of personal gripes about how I feel from day-to-day.

I am going to post again today but as I said I got up late today so this is my first early morning post. I really hope that later down the line I can get some feedback and comments on the issues I write about . Till next post ” This is How I See It”